The Appendix -N Rap

I use the AI music generator Suno a occasionally to set my poetry to music and create things like faux commercial jingles for my podcasts 

Lately I've been using it to make up silly songs to entertain my kids... And to engage in the odd rap battle over D&D theory with BrOSR guys.

It occurred to me that while I was tinkering away with writing a little D&D related music, it might be a fun one-off to do an article in the form of a rap piece. And so I did.

The Appendix -N Rap is a quick discussion of some of the ways the writers listed as most influential on D&D have left a mark on the game. Namely Abraham Merritt, Fritz Leiber, Michael Moorcock, Jack Vance, Roger Zelazny, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Robert E. Howard, and H.P. Lovecraft.

The lyrics here are mine, and I managed to get the Suno AI to arrange vocals and music to my taste after about 30 iterations.

Lyrics 

Abraham Merritt said "Creep, Shadow, Creep!"

Creating the shadowfell where the undead weep.

Shadows and their demons, under a black sun,

You can thank him for your plane shifting fun.

There's Merritt in the Stirges,

and and before you turn,

Check out mobsters fighting hags 

40s style in "Burn, Witch! Burn!"

(Dig that typewriter, cat!)

Merritt gave you izard-men driders and Yuan-ti

Immortal Dinosaur Riders fought with TNT

And just in case you thought his mark is dead,

Remember he invented monsters 

You gotta shoot in the head.

Leiber's got the fighters with the buddy cop vibe,

Fafhrd and Grey Mouser alway holding the line.

The AD&D mechanics about blowing your cash

And petty gods falling to his graphic hack and slash.

If you want to know how to play the game,

Leiber's got the skills his ideas are insane,

Magic gone wrong will always bring the pain,

Hell, Thieves' guilds just fell out of his brain.

Check out Mouse the Arcane Trickster

He's the original Dual Class Mixer,

He's a player who aces both of his roles,

The reason that your thief can read those scrolls.

Zelazny gets a gasp from me , his word will get you high 

His story's got the glory to make a campaign fly.

Nine Amber princes might be too many to list,

But they inspired Sigil, Limbo, Arcadia, and the Abyss

(Not to mention a lot of games like Riven and Myst)

The battle for reality that Corwin saw,

Gave D&D it's clash between Chaos & Law,

Fighters leading armies with guns from Avalon

You looking for high level? Just get your Amber on.

Elric is the Eternal hero of Moorcock fame,

With the original soul-eater, Storm-bringer by name,

Most of the demons you know fell to Elric's blade,

And the hand and eye of Vecna are Moorcock made.

You want evil elves falling into shadow or dark?

Malnibonne is the original evil elf arc,

Dream thieving mages when they are in despair,

Cast a planar binding to call Elric out of thin air.

To get Relics with an ego

Down to Malnibonne we go

Dream and Summons spells

And badass heros invading Hell

A dying earth under flickering star,

Jack Vance is where all the grues are,

Wizards making monsters by mixing DNA

Is a major premise of the game that you play

M-Us reading books to trap spells in their head,

Leveling up their skills by making enemies dead,

T'sais is the original magical girl

Hatching from a tank where old scrolls furl.

Guy of Sfere with bag of holding and sanctuary blade

Funky magic items that Jack Vance made.

Strength, Water Breathing, and Prismatic Spray,

Clone, Imprison, Teleport are some of his spells of the day.

Kugel is a thief who makes his skills work,

Stealing eyes and princesses, he's a class-A jerk,

The Chaotic-Stupid Hero you love to see,

He and Rhialto helped shape your PC.

Burroughs' John Carter is the OG Fighting-Man

Carved out a Dominion on Martian sands.

Ever had a Girallon drag you to your doom?

Or get shot by a Thark, you can scream at Barsoom

It was Robert E. Howard who made Conan king 

You see the Cimmerian coming, better get outta the ring

The Barbarian hero that they wanna all imitate

But next to R E H the faux-barians can't even rate

Busty babes, swashbuckling, and busting up beasts,

Nobody out-performs Conan at wenches and feasts.

Evil powers from the beginning of time,

Red-nailed witches reading his sign 

Freaky mutant wizards better step back,

Mess with Conan's girl it's all out attack.

But don't forget Kull or Solomon Kane

Bran Mak Morn jumps time bringing the pain

Heroes aplenty tough cunning and bold

Still the best action stories that:s ever been told.

H.P. Lovecraft with tales cold as deep space,

Loved looking madness straight in the face,

Crawling hands, liches, soul searing light,

Elder things don't bump they devour the night

Twisted cults call old ones down from the stars,

Broken down heroes with sanity scars

Spider-riding nomads from frozen grey waste

Gibbering oozes wanna know how you taste.

Cosmic horror shapes the cultists and fiends,

Your favorite bad guys leak out of Howard's dreams,

When you step up with a whole world to defend,

Remember it's H.P. you should thank in the end.